...D. B. M...

Alright, Sara says Makki says I am beginning to sound like the Prophet of Doom and should invite more people to an infamous, underground society called DBM.

Here is what the invitation to DBM looks like:

Invitation to Divorced Before Marriage, DBM

Dear Mr. X and Miss Y,

We, the members and founders of DBM, feel honored to cordially invite you to join our convent.

Our senior most founder, Miss MadNas, was kind enough to share your DBM experience with us, via internet e-mail. We were delighted to see the foreign element in your case, since that’s a unique instance. Hopefully, as we spread our DBM empire, we will get to meet more members like yourself. And we hope to increase exponentially, owing to the relative ease with which relationships are falling apart in these times.

Each member of the convent thoroughly enjoyed your misery and The Great Fall. Please understand our motto: we are positive people and absolutely enjoy tragedies and moments of human weaknesses. Therefore, every time you wined with a sentence like, "Why did you tell me?", the members of DBM felt the need to hug and congratulate you, for finally qualifying for our criteria of membership offer.

As a member you get to enjoy the following benefits:

• Free access to the online journal, Lets bitch about Fate,
• Booze parties at Gymkhana, with qawali or Mursia of your choice (available only at Delhi, Karachi and Lahore at the moment),
• Virtual torture rooms, where you enjoy inflicting creative tortures on individuals of your choice,
• Free anti-depressants and psychological therapy,
• Access to the blogs, chats and emails of all other DBM members,
• Guns, knives, revolvers, nuclear bombs (currently available in India in Pakistan), and swords (currently available in Afghanistan and some Middle Eastern countries).
• Ability to sponsor another member into the convent, provided they qualify for membership,
• One million dollars, in cash, annually, but you have to devise and execute the robbery yourself,
• Heavy metal and other forms of dark, satanic music. If you wish, owing to your religious orientation, you may instead request manuals on "Patience", although we don’t particularly encourage that,
• Group therapies with other members of DBM, to share your experiences. Some members have had multiple experiences, making these group sessions a treat to listen to.

We wish to make it clear that we are not a feminist society, but are willing to accept individuals of all races, sexual orientations, creeds, nationalities and religions.

Take your time in considering this offer as we place no pressure on potential members.

However, in case you choose to reject the membership, we offer you two forms of death penalties:

1) we can disclose the content of your conversation to your family, or

2) hang you by the rope until your neck breaks.

Looking forward for a quick, positive response.


Yours truly,
Membership Committee
Divorced Before Marriage
DBM

We are registered in No-Man’s Land as a charity organization.

And here is one example of how invitations are accepted (life-sized example):

...

Dear Founding Fathers, or Mothers....

With a shattered heart, and bottle of vodka, i accept ur invitation to join, I shall do my utmost to uphold the values and rules of DBM. In keeping with the great majnu's of the subcontinent, I shall strive to grow a long beard and hair, and sing toote songs. Since we Indian jilted lovers are non-violent and resigned to our fates, I humbly wish to renounce all forms of violence, and politely refuse ur invitiation to weapons, I am already stacking up a collection of tradegy movies and songs, which i can distribute freely to other potential members to entice them into our fold. I shall do my best to enhance the Indian Chapter of DBM. Hope u consider my invitation.

Your Foreign Element

Mr. X.

:)